


A Completely Normal Day

by Arkada



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Absolutely nothing weird is happening whatsoever, Crack, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, Humor, M/M, Multi, casual nudity, sexual shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-28
Updated: 2013-08-28
Packaged: 2017-12-24 22:14:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arkada/pseuds/Arkada
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve isn’t wearing pants, Clint isn’t wearing anything, Natasha is smiling, and Loki has a sudden interest in the contents of the Avengers’ linen closet. </p><p>But it’s not like there’s anything weird going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Completely Normal Day

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the Avengers' pants, or I'd be able to help them find some.

Steve wasn’t wearing any pants.

“Hey, Cap…”

Steve looked up with a bright, sunny grin from his buffet breakfast. “Morning, Tony!”

This couldn’t possibly be happening. Tony subtly knocked an empty cup off the counter, and bent down to pick it up, bringing his head below the level of the table Steve was sitting at.

Yes, it was happening.

Also, that was some _super_ serum.

Tony blinked and saved the image to his near-photographic memory. He had a strange – or completely normal, considering that he was Tony Stark – feeling that he would be reviewing that particular memory a lot in the next couple of weeks.

Speaking of, he could use a shower.

~ 

Thor was smiling.

In other news, water was wet.

In actual news, Natasha was also smiling.

A ‘pleased by something that wasn’t imminent murder’ kind of smiling. She looked happy despite the fact that she hadn’t just completely annihilated somebody’s overconfident superiority.

But it wasn’t at all strange that Thor was smiling, and he was in such a good mood that he didn’t think to question Natasha on her out-of-character demeanor. He just left her to her tablet and half-finished weekly report to SHIELD without noticing that nobody but Coulson smiled at such a thing, and went back to his room.

~ 

“You’re naked.”

Clint looked down at himself carefully, as though he needed to check Bruce’s assertion. “Yeah, sure am.”

“… Why? And I say this knowing that you know that stressing me is bad for your health.”

Clint waved his bare hands through the air. It could have been a lot worse. “No stress. It’s just so freeing, you know? Really relaxing, no pressure, no chafing in uncomfortable areas… you should try it. Maybe you Hulk out because your jocks are too tight.”

“I think I’ll pass,” Bruce said, though the true reason he couldn’t take his underwear off was because, for some completely unknown yet inherently sensible reason, he already wasn’t wearing any.

~

Natasha dropped down next to Steve on the couch, shamelessly eyeing his masculine perfection. “I’m in a really good mood today.”

“Me too. Isn’t it great?” Steve beamed at her, blue eyes shining. “It’s so nice to be able to relax like this for once in a while. Really let our hair down.”

Natasha licked her lips, the most obvious genuine sign of arousal she had displayed since the Russian National Ballet performance she had attended at sixteen. “That’s the only thing you’re letting down.”

Steve smiled, and politely refrained from mentioning the fact that she had neglected to put on a shirt this morning.

He was enjoying the view far too much.

~

When Clint walked into the hallway headed for the gym – he felt full of energy and really wanted to throw himself across the obstacle course in hopes that Tony’s security team on the other end of the CCTV cameras might be impressed – he found Loki rooting through the contents of the hall closet.

Wearing a black silk dressing gown.

Without a belt holding it shut.

Clint cleared his throat. “Uh… Hi.”

Loki turned to him, and smiled like he wasn’t even contemplating killing anybody at this particular moment. “Ah, Agent Barton, I wonder if you could help me. I was looking for some fresh sheets – and pillowcases – and rugs – and wallpaper – and I’m not sure where to find them in this house.”

Clint blinked, and resolutely did not stare at Loki’s dick.

His tight marble abs were commanding too much of Clint’s attention.

“Uh, linen press is one floor up. Not sure about the wallpaper. Try Tony’s lab, he’s got everything.”

“I see, thank you,” Loki said, as if he actually meant it, and headed for the stairs, walking with both a limp and a swagger.

Clint blinked again.

When had Loki moved in?

When had he gotten back to Earth?

Where had he bought that robe?

~ 

Back from his shower, which had been both extremely satisfying yet not nearly enough of what he wanted, Tony was in the kitchen again, twirling a pair of handcuffs around one finger and looking longingly at the many and varied contents of the vegetable crisper.

~ 

It was laundry day, and there were no clean sheets for Natasha to put back on her bed. She would have been annoyed if life hadn’t seemed so generally good. Sleeping in someone else’s bed was an excellent alternative.

She went to go find Thor.

She found him, and Loki, splayed across the bed in a tangle of sweaty, naked limbs, Thor thrusting deep into Loki’s body while Loki shamelessly begged for _more, harder, brother._

Well, she wouldn’t get any sleep in here. But she might come back in the morning, see if they’d like some company.

She went to try Tony’s room instead.

~

Bruce hadn’t felt this agitated since that time in Columbia when he hadn’t yet worked out which plants were tea and which were illegal. 

There was something restless under his skin, his pounding pulse achingly close to calling the Hulk out, and all he wanted to do was to somehow release this tension built up inside him.

He was _this_ close to Hulking out, except that the Hulk, being fundamentally childlike, thought the whole thing was icky and it was definitely Bruce’s problem to deal with.

~

Tony hadn’t had a thought that wasn’t about a naked Natasha curled up in his bed in the last three hours.

He did not in fact consider this an improvement over the thoughts prior, wondering exactly how fast Steve’s refractory period was.

Things only got worse, or better, or both, when he found Steve in the living room, naked, and sketching an equally naked Clint, posed ridiculously and stunningly against a modern art sculpture.

Tony wished that he were wearing some clothes so that he would have some to provide. “Put some clothes on!”

He was Tony Stark, and he was _not_ going to come last in any official or unofficial dick-measuring contests.

“Oh, Tony!” Steve said cheerfully, dropping his sketchbook and coming over to take Tony’s shoulders in his big, warm hands. “Just who I wanted!”

Within seconds, Tony found himself draped over Clint, with a hand on the marksman’s thigh and Clint’s calloused fingers stroking his cheek, and those were the _most_ decent of their physical arrangements.

Steve sighed as he picked up his sketchbook again. “That’s lovely.”

Tony and Clint completely agreed.

~ 

Thor was standing at the microwave, smiling to himself as his Pop-Tarts heated. His smile was actually relatively unrelated to the Pop-Tarts, despite the fact that they were of a flavor he hadn’t tried before and a very promising scent was wafting from the machine.

Relatively unrelated. He had _plans_ for these.

~

Tony held up a determined finger, and stopped Steve in the process of opening a new bottle of lube and Clint in the process of getting into a fresh pack of condoms. “We are _not_ continuing with the threesome unless you give me permission to film it.”

~ 

“Pop-Tarts? Really, brother?”

Thor just smiled hopefully, and held out the plate.

Loki sighed, and then beckoned him over with a long finger. “Well, then, what would you like me to do with those?”

~ 

“I can’t believe what I’m seeing.”

Tony stuck a hand out from the pile. “Stop seeing and start taking part.”

~ 

“I’m the Black Widow. I hope you know I’ll kill you all after this.”

Clint drew in a breath through a strangely rough and wet throat. “Worth it.”

Steve flexed his arms. “Good thing we’re not done, then.”

~ 

This _was_ a completely normal day, wasn’t it?

Yeah, for sure. They were all agreed. A completely normal day.

~ 

Loki rolled over to face Thor properly, until-recently-fresh sheets perfectly hugging his curved musculature and riding nicely low across his hips. He propped his chin up on delicately bridged fingers. “Thor?”

Thor blinked open hazed eyes, and smiled. “Yes, brother?”

“You don’t think we should warn the mortals that the union of a fertility god and a sorcerer can be… inspiring?”

Thor shrugged, and reached over to pull the offending sheet off Loki’s body. It wasn’t like Loki had ever been modest in his life, and it was certainly nothing Thor hadn’t seen before.

From a number of angles, some not yet discovered by humankind. Thank god for gods. 

“I’m sure they’re taking care of themselves.”

**Author's Note:**

> All credit to [OfApplesAndArrows](http://of-apples-and-arrows.tumblr.com/), the evil little enabler (I was up until midnight writing this because she kept texting me things I should put in it). 
> 
> Also betaed by [Haldane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Haldane/pseuds/Haldane). <3 Thanks guys!
> 
> For more on my writing, please visit [my Tumblr](http://ao3-arkada.tumblr.com/).


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